Line Obsession

I was at the police station making a passport for Aisha who's 8 and a half months and she was with me.
It was one of the hottest days, if not the hottest day in spring. Going I knew the temperature was 38 degrees celsius. For some reason the place was packed.
Aisha's fascination with paper doesn't make it easy to fill out her passport application. Perched on my left lap with the paper on my right a pen in my hand, my backpack on the floor between my legs and squeezed between three women with children talking over me. I try to fill out the application with three different addresses I attempt an even bolder feat and succeed. I take out my passport and Karim's ID to see the exact addresses used.
Balancing everything I manage to finish with a few minor mistakes here and there. I go into the official's office to get an approval and find out something is missing. So he, seemingly annoyed, hands me the application and points out what's missing and I ask him if I can complete it in his office. Like a parent who begrudgingly must approve of something, he lets me sit.
He keeps calling me Mama which is annoying.
Aisha is happy at the chance to pull at the paper again.
I fill out what needs to be filled out he glances at my eyes to make sure its me and tells me to go to window 5.
For a moment I'm happy this is almost over.
Window 5 is a line for women. The woman behind the counter is very very slow. I realize this approaching the line because it is so long.
The place is packed (I said that before). The rows of benches interrupting every line. I walked up to the line and infront of me a mother is carrying her 2 year old son. He is smiling and ready to play with anyone . He wants to play with Aisha, then play peek-a-boo with me and his mom was also very friendly.
While we were playing a woman walks up to the line and stands in front of me and the woman. I tell her, excuse me there is a line. She says yes I know and just stands there. So I tell her you're behind me. She says I know I know I aggressively tell her please go to the back of the line now. She says ok and goes and I continue to play with Daniel (We are on first name basis with the children now) and another woman comes and stands in front of me. Daniel's mom tells me the woman was there before I came and she had to go photocopy something.
Normally in line etiquette if you leave the line thats it. You start over.
I'm obsessed. I know.
But this time I decided not to say anything.
Aisha got heavy, the line behind me was growing and the people were pushing me into the people in front of me.
Meanwhile at the window a girl was debating with her mom and the official about which picture looks nicer.
Everyone seemed happy for some reason. I was getting more and more annoyed but I didn't want to seem rude, which I'm sure I already did because of the line thing (I tried to organize the line at a point in time).
The girl with the picture left.
Then a man went up to the window. So I asked the people standing, who that is.
They ALL said don't worry he's with the hagga.
So I let it go.
Then it was Daniel and his mom's turn. Aisha started crying.
It was hot and she wanted to drink.
It was stuffy. She wanted to leave.
So did I.
So the woman behind the counter, who I was by then annoyed at because she's so slow, said she would take me first because of the baby.
They told her it was my turn anyway. Of course the woman who went to photocopy her paper was standing and didn't say anything and so I had my papers done and needed to photocopy stuff (why they don't tell you that when they hand you the application I still don't understand.)
I went to photocopy my stuff.
Another line.
I'm not stuck to the guy in front of me. We are in a makeshift room under the staircase of a building. Another person decides to cut in front of me. (Maybe I have it written on my back "cut in front of me"). So I tell him there's a line.
Like everytime, the answer is I know I know.
I went back and kept thinking I don't want to be a hypocrite. I have to stand in the even LONGER line!
Hoping with all my heart there is a way out. Annoyed with myself at having principles, a woman says 3addy ya binty i7na mewaf2een inty ma3aky el baby.
So I rush to the front of the line. Give my papers, pay and leave and as I'm leaving I'm thanking everyone but they are not really answering.
I realized our people (Egyptians) don't know how to stand in line. Are no where near organized beyesta3bato everyone around them.
But in the end the kindness is constant.
This time I left embarrassed at myself wondreing when should one speak up and when should one shut up?

It's a cycle

It really is. I've had children for a little over 5 years now. Every year there are days I have absolutely nothing to do. Because of my children I can't just up and do anything I want. At the same time nothing within the realm of my lifestyle is available for me to do. Then there are days that I have SO MUCH to do but am tied down because one of my kids is sick. I finally started a routine. My house is clean and tidy. My kids have school and practice. I have the dinner schedule down and my time is organized. Which cleared up so much time for me to do the extra stuff that makes me feel normal a human being in our society. I opened up my calendar last Wednesday and filled in all the days. I looked at it and was proud that for once my engagements were adult oriented. Last week, my older daughter had to stay home. It was fine because I knew she'll be going back inshalla. It was a pleasant time to spend with her. So Wednesday, the week ended and I was happy to have stuff to fill my calendar with. Then Thursday my baby daughter got the chicken pox. So I had to stay home with her. Now this week, I still have to stay home and my older daughter got sick again and had to stay home with strep throat. I guess its good to embrace the extra time I am given. A chance to catch up on my writing maybe. A chance to teach myself how to spend time with myself effectively. It's definitely a disciplining experience. A lesson on patience and on surrendering to the will of God. That no matter how you plan and schedule someone else has other plans for you. However, I don't intend on giving up completely. I submit. But I work on this Earth and answer to a boss. I make my own calls and go back to Him for guidance. If things are ok they are smooth. If not something gets diverted and I go along with it. Especially if its out of my hands!

I am a woman!

I wear the face veil. It's no secret. The reason for me wearing it has changed since I put it on. I do not wish to discuss the reasons simply because it's personal. But what I will discuss is the reactions I get from random people, mainly men, and how I rehearsed repeatedly how I will respond to those late 50 early 60 year old men when they throw their opinions of my worthlessness. I have also wondered why it matters to me that I show them they are wrong. The only thing I can think of is that while they call themselves intellectual they deny one of the main principles of intellect which is knowing that their truth is not ultimate. That is something I feel they need to know. So, I walked into a book store in the Club. A man sneezed in the line in front of me when we were waiting to pay. I told him bless you, in Arabic. "Yarhamakom Allah." Which literarly means May God have mercy on you. So he turned around to respond with the regular response, "And on you too." When he saw me he continued and may God have mercy on us all and rid us of the likes of you. "Wa yer7amna mennoko." A whole dialogue went on. It was a friendly one because I chose not to take his first comment to heart. His arguments were the typical, you will scare away the tourists. You are all ignorant. You are useless to the society. With each answer I gave him he would hear first what he wanted to hear. You will scare away the tourists. I said, "I won't affect the tourism, I want it to flourish." He answered, "what you don't want us to have tourism?" You are useless to society. "I am a writer, I work from home," I said. He responded what you think you have to stay home? Then came the final blow. You will not be equal to men. I said no I am equal to man, if not better. By the look on his face he thought I was crazy. I told him I can bear children but men can not. I have always admired Sojourner Truth, a feminist as well as civil rights activist. Specifically her Aint I a Woman speech. "...That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody every helps me into carriages or over mud puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man-when I could get it-and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirtheen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?.." I summed up the discussion by telling him, it is my personal right and freedom to wear what I want when I want. I can choose to show whoever I want my face or not. Equality, is thrown in our faces only when it suits most men. But when it comes down to it, most of the men who shake their heads at me and show their disgust with my choices want us to go back to those days. The days where women needed to be helped up carriages.

Let's go to the Mall (part 1)

Although I like to spend money (who doesn't?) I hate going shopping! But I do love it when I buy new things. It's the process of shopping that I detest. Especially when it involves the mall.
This I learned very recently about myself. First I attributed my dislike of the mall to my children. I thought its usually really tiring because they get bored and it takes too long. So I stopped taking the kids and still I end my trips to the mall with great dissatisfaction. So I attributed it to the difficulty in finding something that fit nicely. Then I found the stores that have clothes that fit me nicely. So I attributed my unhappiness to the never ending crowd that makes the mall hot and hard to move around in. Then I decided to go in the mornings. It was fine but I realized it never ends up being one trip because I always have to return something or change the size.

And then this morning, in Ramadan, at 10:30 am I went to City Stars. It usually opens its gates at 10 am. I figured it's a mall, it's not going to change its opening times for Ramadan, what about the tourists and people staying at the hotel. So I walked in and all the stores except for Spinney's, the hyper market, were closed. Apparently, the store open in Ramadan at 11. That made me angry for reasons I will discuss in another blog. But I decided to go into Spinney's and buy a few things I needed then I would go to the store I came to go to. I was there to return something I had bought a week earlier.
So I was done with Spinney's and by the time I reached the store, The Tie Shop, the door was half open and a the lights were on and a woman was mopping the floor. So I was going in and she told me they haven't opened yet. It was 10:50 am. She told me to come back half an hour later. I told her I was only there to return something and she said they haven't opened and to please come back in half an hour so I tried to find something to do and couldn't and I went back to the store. The woman was done mopping and was sitting in the store doing absolutely nothing and it was 11 am already. But still they haven't opened yet.
My baby daughter who I had to drag with me started crying because she was hungry so I decided to go feed her in the bathroom and return to the store. I did that and was back by 11:30 am. There were now two store clerks, one of which was the woman mopping earlier, and they were both in uniform. I gave them the receipt and the item I wanted to return and they told me they couldn't return it because they didn't have any cash with them. I had to wait until someone bought something so they can pay me back. I told them they have to deal with it it's not my problem and they said it's not there problem either!
I left fuming and went to pay the parking fee. I gave the man at the desk a 100 LE bill and he didn't have change and he said I should go around the whole mall searching for change. He returned my ticket and I was stuck in the mall unless I found some change. That is when I blew up and demanded my right to leave and pay with the money I have. He gave me 50 le worth of 1 le coins with a dirty look on top.

And now I realize why I don't like shopping. This country has no concept whatsoever of customer service. Every trip to the mall is a step onto a battle ground. The customer is always wrong. It all feeds into the poor work ethic we have here. No proper training, and an awful attitude towards life in general is what nurtures our under development.

New Baby

Elhamdolilla three weeks and a half ago my family and I welcomed our new little girl, Aisha, into the world.
So now they are three little rascals at home. Which I love and thank God for everyday. Especially when they are asleep.
Every night and day it's the same thing. The two older ones, Abdulrahman and Halima wake up at 6 am. They start their wants and nags and fights. It keeps going all day until 8 pm comes and they reach their peak crying and screaming and acting crazy because they are too tired. After battles they finally go to sleep. Their baby sister then starts her daily colic episodes where she screams nonstop. I give her her medicine and then all three are asleep.
That is when I feel I miss my kids! I feel tomorrow will be a new day. I will be more patient with them and have more fun with them and try to be a better mother.
Then the day starts all over again. The same way. They nag and cry and scream and I lose my temper and scream until the day ends.
It's really weird. As much as they are hard work and sometimes impossible to handle, I still can not imagine what I would do without them. Every day the hope remains that I become more patient and we become friends.
And to think at a point in time I thought I wanted a family like the one in the book cheaper by the dozen!

Child Friendly Place of Worship, I want!

It's been a really long time since I've actually been to a masjid. The few times I did go to pray were at times I knew it wouldn't be crowded as a treat for my children.
Recently I've been wondering why masjids here in Egypt are not child friendly, or even people friendly. I was watching a TV show, that I rarely watch because it is always showing how backward we as Arabs are and it does get too tiring to see negative images of yourself, and today's episode he was showing masjids in Singapore as opposed to our Arab masjids.
The masjid in Singapore had a PLAY AREA!!!!!!!!!! It had sign up sheets for lessons that teenagers and children can attend, like classroom style. It had a full staff with a head and HR manager and the works. It was clean and fresh, sort of like our typical nady here but from the masjid. It even had a family prayer room.
I never thought of praying to be a family activity.
The bathrooms had toilets that are for adults and smaller ones for the children. Beautiful! The children themselves looked happy to be at the masjid. It makes you feel like you want to head to your neighborhood masjid and do something about it.
The most common complaint I hear about the women's section during tarawee7 or the Friday prayers is the children make too much noise. "Women should stay at home and its too much for the kids," is what most people repeat every year. "It's better for women to pray at home."
Really, we go everywhere all the time. Women are always going out and now we are the ones who take our children everywhere. Why are we still denied a basic right to enter a masjid whenever we please for fear of our children disturbing everyone?
I remember my childhood always being around the masjid in the US. Even my school was there and I remember we had so much fun at night. Sometimes we'd pray the tarawee7 and sometimes we had our sleeping bags and there was a room where my friends and I would sleep while our parents were praying. We looked forward to our trips there.
My kids enjoy it now. But my husband and I are always worried they may bother other people around them. And how long will this enjoyment last if we are always telling them to be quiet and stay close to us.
The government is always worried that masjids are breeding grounds for terrorists. If masjids all had to have an infrastructure like the one in Singapore, then people would gather there instead of closed houses and alleys. It would be a nady but more wholesome! Then everyone can enjoy a nice spiritual trip to the nearest place of worship. Even those poor souls with infants and newborn babies :)

Inshalla Time

From what I've seen, when foreigners come to Egypt or this part of the world one of their most common complaints is the lack of respect for time. They even have a phrase for that. "Inshalla Time". When I heard that at first I laughed but after thinking about it, I became saddened. The term inshalla time is just another piece of proof as to how much people misuse their religion and butcher a perfect religion. Also another tool people use to attack an otherwise perfect concept.
A term that was taught to us in order to rid an over successful society of arrogance has instead been turned into an excuse to being lazy.
When the term Inshalla was mentioned in the Quran, it was in the chapter, "The Cave". The story behind it was the Prophet (PBUH) was asked by some people about the story of the men who slept in the cave for over 300 years. He confidently said "I will tell you the story tomorrow." About two weeks past before the Angel came to Prophet Muhammad with the story and people had started challenging him. He thought it was because of his personal shortcomings and was very pained and saddened thinking he must have done something wrong. Then the chapter of "the cave" was revealed with the verse saying "do not say you will do this tomorrow except if God is willing."
This verse reminds people that there are two sides to action and getting things done, the first is taking action and the second part is knowing that with the action you take you must know that things will get done only by God's will.
Some people have now interpreted "Inshalla" as a way to hang their own laziness on God's will.
Inshalla by no means means we can be late to everything or not fulfill a certain committment. It is merely a reminder that you should work hard and do your part but know that what you do is all by God's will. It is a lesson in knowing you have control but not total control. However, a balance is important you must do the work in order for things to get done and when they get done you know that it is by the will of God.
In Egypt so many aspects of daily life are out of our hands. Traffic can suddenly stop because someone decided they needed extra security. The electricity can shut down freezing a whole companies operation. Anything can happen, so people say inshalla knowing that somethings are out of their hands. It would help to put these things into consideration when dealing with time in order to bring the term back to its original context.
It's up to us to change the perception of "Inshalla time" to a positive one again.